My heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be your name

Today is a very busy day for us, and I have lots to do in the next few hours. However, I really felt that I needed to stop and reflect on some of what I learned this weekend at the Deeper Still conference in Atlanta.

First of all, my mom came into town with 2 of her friends to go with us, and I am so glad they did! I always love sharing these experiences with Mom and being able to talk about what we learned. Even days, weeks, or months later God often brings some key point back to mind. My friend, Robin, also went with us, and I know that the Lord really spoke to her about some things that she's been dealing with lately. I also believe that He was preparing her for an event that has come into her life this week. One of her good friends lost a child very unexpectedly, and I know that God will use what Robin learned at Deeper Still to help her be a support for her friend as she walks through this wilderness. Praise the Lord that Robin got that last minute ticket!

I went into the conference so excited about hearing all of the speakers again, and all of their messages were so timely and powerful. My favorite one, though, was Priscilla Shirer's message on Fri. night. She talked about the wilderness that we all walk through in our lives and how God meets us there and speaks to us, often at our lowest points. She based this message on the story of the Israelites' journey out of Egypt, through the wilderness to Cana. God asked them to trust and follow Him, and He promised to speak to them and allow them to see Him. He led them on a route to Cana that was certainly not the shortest, most efficient, or most pleasant. However, when they were right in the middle of their journey, at the furthest point from the Promised Land, He met them at Mt. Sinai. Although they had been so excited to hear from God, when the time came to go up the mountain and meet with Him, they were afraid. They sent Moses to get the word for them.

Priscilla used this to teach us that when God wants to speak to us, it is so much more powerful if we seek Him for ourselves and allow Him to speak directly to us, not just through our pastor or through a writer or speaker. This is the part that spoke to me today.

Many of you know about our struggle with fertility (I plan to tell the whole story on here at some point, but that is for another day). We have wanted another child for years. We had one miscarriage before God gave us Perry, and we've had 3 since then, all very early in the pregnancies. I have long considered this our wilderness, and I have gone through a huge range of emotions related to this issue. Last summer, after 2 back-to-back miscarriages, I was angry with God and went through a time of really not understanding why this was happening. Actually, Beth Moore's message at the Deeper Still conference in Nashville last fall helped me begin to admit that anger and get over my "devastation with God," as Beth put it.

I have since then felt some peace with the situation, although I still pray that it will happen, and we still desperately want to be blessed with another child. So what I learned this weekend is that through my wilderness, I have waited for other people to bring me my word from the Lord. I have waited for God to speak to me through messages at church, at conferences, in books I read, and even through my friends. He has been faithful to do that, too! He is showing me now, though, that He wants to speak directly to me, He wants me to spend time with Him alone and to be still and listen to His voice, to get to know Him more through His Word.

Kay Arthur and Beth Moore really opened my eyes this weekend to how much there is to learn about scripture. Wow! Every word in that Book is deliberate, intentional, and has meaning for us. Beth broke down John 1:14 for us and explained the meaning of every phrase, as she helped us memorize it. We had fun learning hand motions to help us remember each part of the verse and its meaning, but I was blown away by how much we can learn through studying the individual words used in even the most familiar verses.

Anyway, back to what I've learned. This morning as I prayed and read the Bible, I began thinking about my own wilderness (the fertility thing). I started thinking that the Israelites had really no idea what the Promised Land was going to look like. They had to place their trust FULLY in God, to lead them to this place that He promised would be perfect for them. In our journey, we must do that as well. We don't know what our Promised Land will look like. It may be exactly what we envision -- 2 beautiful, healthy children -- 1 boy, 1 girl. It may be 5 children (Perry did tell me recently that he wanted me to have quadruplets -- YIKES!). Or it may be a Land where our desire for another child is gone, and we are completely at peace with our little family. We have no idea what His plan holds for us, what that Land will look like. We only know that He promises to take us there. He promises to bring us out of the wilderness.

So, I will CHOOSE to say, through this time, "Blessed be the Name of the Lord."

We sang that song on Sunday, and I actually sang the 1st verse alone. After what we'd learned, this "old" song, especially that verse, had such powerful meaning for me.

Blessed be Your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your name

I also love the part that says, "my heart will CHOOSE to say, Lord, blessed be your name."

That's it, y'all. It is a choice. When He gives and when He takes away, we have a choice -- to turn our backs or to trust that He is our holy, loving Father who will meet us in the wilderness and carry us through to the Promised Land.

I have lots more to say, but I will stop here for now and go get some stuff done.

My one little blessing is dying for some attention right now! He is not seeing the glory in the fact that I am on the computer and not reading his new baseball cards to Him.

Thank God for that little distraction. I am so grateful that we have him.